My Breastfeeding duties are coming to an end...

I have spent the last few months in a state of breastfeeding limbo. I have been whittling on and on about how Rock Baby would not take a bottle and how it was making me feel trapped and restricting me from getting on with my life.



I tried every bottle out there and all reduced her into a screaming mess so I gave up on bottles last month and instead have been trying her with a cup. This has been more successful and what began as most of the milk going down her top she is now managing to take about 5oz so I have now dropped her 11am feed and replaced it with formula from the cup. Today I have started to also cut out her 3pm feed and replace that with formula too so in effect I will only be BF her first thing in the morning and last thing at night.

So I should be elated she has finally accepted that there is another alternative to me feeding her and I can see me getting back to normality. Why then do I feel incredibly emotional about it all? It's after all what I wanted but for some reason I feel upset and confused by this.

The same thing happened when I switched over with Pop Princess. I said with her and the same with RB that I wanted to BF till she was 6 months exclusively and then cross over, she was easier as she took a bottle with a little less fight but the transition seemed smooth.

BF has such a powerful hold over me its by far the greatest bond making factor for me personally and it's the one area of total control I have, I am or was the only person that could provide her with what she needed and now that's slipping away. But more deeper than that I guess its the fact that she isn't that little newborn any more like her sister before her she is growing up fast and she may well be the last baby I will have.

I have enjoyed BF for the most part but I know I am now ready to move on and as she is no longer crying when offered an alternative to me feeding her I know she is ready too.

So as I write my boobs are sore and huge, I am feeling every so slightly hormonal and I hope I'm not being too selfish for wanting to give up and have my life back. But yes the time has come and I hope that this time next month when she will be weaned off me completely that I wont' be feeling as guilty and I have one happy little baby.



Unfortunately I'm going to need to keep covered up for the next few days as I look like I have a pair of water melons growing out of my chest!!!!

Sick of the Pox!

Sorry for my lack of posts over the last week, life has been slightly stressful.

Pop Princess has had chicken pox and when people talked about their children having this horrible illness I just thought it was just one of those childhood illnesses, you get a few spots but no big deal.

Well I was wrong, the spots came out last Saturday and it was fine, no need to panic off I trotted to the chemist to stock up on Calpol, Piriton and Calamine lotion. Saturday and Sunday were not too bad the spots were coming out but she was not covered although she was sleeping in the afternoon which hasn't happened since she dropped her daytime nap about 6 months ago. Me and the OH were thinking this isn't actually that bad but by Monday she was going downhill and then the fever started, by the afternoon she was burning up and delirious I was starting to panic as I had never seen her look that ill and I was wondering how I was going to manage looking after her with Rock Baby in tow. Then half way though her deep sleep she was moaning and I went in to check on her and she had blood all over her face as she'd had a nose bleed and had smeared it everywhere, staying calm I just said its OK and cleaned her up and she went back into her deep sleep.

On the outside I was cool as a cucumber but the nose bleed tipped me over the edge and I called the doctor for some reassurance that this fever etc was normal. He said it was and I felt better. Now the countdown is on for Rock Baby to pick it up although there seems to be two debates ongoing one saying she won't get it as I am still breastfeeding her and so my immunity should protect her and the other saying it will be two weeks after pop princess got it which should be this Saturday. So we will just have to wait and see.

Other than Pop Princess's chicken spots (that's what she has been calling them), Rock Baby has started weaning and its so exhausting! Once the girls are in bed I have been chopping and pureeing vegetables for her and putting them in the ice cube trays and it just takes ages, so once that has done, the sterilising is done, and I've managed to cook something for me and the OH, Rock Baby is ready for her night feed at 10 30 and then its bed time! phew....

Sorry for the moany post, I just feel so tired at the moment and have cabin fever from being stuck in with the pox and a very highly charged emotional toddler! Plus the realisation that I am not able to make it to cybermummy something I really wanted to go to, just to be able to learn more about blogging and how to make my blog look better and to meet some other mummy bloggers who I have been chatting to. Its not possible for me to go as Rock Baby will not take a bottle and whilst we have had some success with a cup she won't take that much and I can't leave her for the whole day at this moment in time.

At the same age Pop Princess had been smoothly passed over to formula feeds during the day but this isn't happening this time with RB and I am starting to feel very trapped by it. There is so much support for mums who want to breastfeed but very little if any if you want to stop.

If you've read to the end of this post I must apologise for the down beat nature of it and promise next time I will try and be more uplifting!