I have spent the last few months in a state of breastfeeding limbo. I have been whittling on and on about how Rock Baby would not take a bottle and how it was making me feel trapped and restricting me from getting on with my life.
I tried every bottle out there and all reduced her into a screaming mess so I gave up on bottles last month and instead have been trying her with a cup. This has been more successful and what began as most of the milk going down her top she is now managing to take about 5oz so I have now dropped her 11am feed and replaced it with formula from the cup. Today I have started to also cut out her 3pm feed and replace that with formula too so in effect I will only be BF her first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
So I should be elated she has finally accepted that there is another alternative to me feeding her and I can see me getting back to normality. Why then do I feel incredibly emotional about it all? It's after all what I wanted but for some reason I feel upset and confused by this.
The same thing happened when I switched over with Pop Princess. I said with her and the same with RB that I wanted to BF till she was 6 months exclusively and then cross over, she was easier as she took a bottle with a little less fight but the transition seemed smooth.
BF has such a powerful hold over me its by far the greatest bond making factor for me personally and it's the one area of total control I have, I am or was the only person that could provide her with what she needed and now that's slipping away. But more deeper than that I guess its the fact that she isn't that little newborn any more like her sister before her she is growing up fast and she may well be the last baby I will have.
I have enjoyed BF for the most part but I know I am now ready to move on and as she is no longer crying when offered an alternative to me feeding her I know she is ready too.
So as I write my boobs are sore and huge, I am feeling every so slightly hormonal and I hope I'm not being too selfish for wanting to give up and have my life back. But yes the time has come and I hope that this time next month when she will be weaned off me completely that I wont' be feeling as guilty and I have one happy little baby.
Unfortunately I'm going to need to keep covered up for the next few days as I look like I have a pair of water melons growing out of my chest!!!!